Reflection on a Broken Relationship...

Last night, somewhat unexpectedly while Joel and I were talking, I was burdened by the thought of a broken relationship from many years ago.  I suppose this is probably no different from other people.  I'm guessing I'm not the only one who has had a friendship dissolve, disband, etc...the difference is this ended very badly and it was my fault.  I guess like the next guy (or gal in this case), I consider myself a pretty good friend.  However, in this case, I was just wrong.  I treated this person unfairly, and in all honestly, solely acted selfishly and in my own interests before even thinking about this other person.  Each time over the years that I have looked back at this situation, I cringe.  I cringe at how I was, how I acted, and how bad it was.  Yes, I asked for forgiveness from this person, but to this person, the damage was done.  There was no 'clean slate' or 'do-overs'.  The damage to our friendship was complete, never to be made whole again.  I can look back now and see in so many ways how I went wrong, how I should have been better.  I can say I was selfish, but it just bothers me so much that this person will always see me for that person.  Not as the person asking for forgiveness or the person I feel God has molded me into now.  To this person, that selfish me is always who will be seen.  That BOTHERS me!  Again, I won't lie.  I liked being liked.  I don't really like thinking that there are people out there that I have hurt and that will never be reconciled.

In thinking about this last night, I was very burdened and bothered.  I kept going to the Lord asking forgiveness again for this situation and for my actions in it that broke the relationship.  I haven't really been able to get the situation nor the person out of my head for the last 24 hours.  I'm not sure what blogging will do, maybe more of an outlet for my thoughts about it, my regrets surrounding it and for peace that God understands and loves me in spite of it.  I know that is more than just a wishful thought that helps me sleep at night.  I know that God does love me and I know He understands me.  I am not perfect and have so many flaws, but God still loves me.  I remember a song from when I was a kid...
               
                       

                            He's still working on me to make me what I ought to be.

                             It took Him just a week to make the moon and stars,
                                       The sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars.
                           How loving and patient He must be, He's still working on me.

1. There really ought to be a sign upon the heart,
Don't judge her yet, there's an unfinished part.
But I'll be perfect just according to His plan
Fashioned by the Master's loving hands.

CHORUS:

2. In the mirror of His Word reflections that I see
Make me wonder why He never gave up on me.
He loves me as I am and helps me when I pray
Remember He's the Potter, I'm the clay.

As goofy as the song may seem to you, it is really true and I am so thankful for it.  I am thankful for God's unconditional love.