as you may well imagine is a very scattered place. I suppose that is how I am feeling...scattered. I know there are many, MANY things that need to be done, but most days I would rather not do them. My mind is also overwhelmed. To think of being responsible for every single need of another human being is overwhelming. To think of raising a child in the ways of Jesus and attempting to live that out every day is overwhelming. Believe me, I am not one of those people who thinks I am perfect, I know I will fail often, but it seems like failure is so much less of an option when raising children.
I admit, when you think you have 9 months to work through your emotions regarding becoming a parent, I thought I had plenty of time. I realize other things have gotten in the way and now is the time I am attempting to understand these emotions I have had the last 9 months.
The other overwhelming feelings of just not feeling ready are there often as well. We aren't really getting a nursery together, only because we will be here for such a short time before we move to Ecuador, but I am still trying to think of how to make a place.
I am not naive enough to think I am the only one who has ever felt this way as a soon to be mother. I see every day in my job people much less fortunate, much less prepared than I, but maybe that is because the standard of what I want to be as a parent is high.
I pray that I will not try to do all of this on my own. THAT is overwhelming, but I need to have the constant reminder that God is in control, I am not, and that HE needs to be my guide and my compass. I know this will not be easy, but I know God has given us this child and that is my comfort.
A musing from a mom to be...
